Fight or flight: the natural response that people have when faced with a crisis. They either A) fight, or B) fly away. I think for the most part people would like to think of themselves as fighters, as those who stand up to the challenge when faced with a crisis, and not fliers who, well, fly! I know that about two days ago I thought that I was a fighter but have since been sadly proven wrong. I may also fall into the "bad parent" category and I am surely not winning any "mother of the year" awards.
So, you may be asking yourself what prompted this post and may be sitting on your hands in anticipation of the story that I am about to tell. So, without further a-do:
Friday was my birthday (yep, turned the big 3-1!) and since our neighbors had so very nicely agreed to watch the babes on Saturday, my hubby decided to take me out to eat at a very nice vineyard. So, as I am getting ready and all fancied up, my two year old decided that he was famished and had to eat right away. The crying fit was quite awful. They (the kids, that is) were going to be eating pizza in about one hour, but I decided to make him a Nutella sandwich to hold him over, and you know, stop the crying. As we are standing in the kitchen he lets out this blood curling, ear piercing, make you think someone had died kind of scream and starts pointing at where he had just been standing. Since it seems that I have passed on my fear of all things creepy crawly I thought maybe he had seen a gecko. My fear of geckos is quite bad. So bad in fact that when I see something move out the corner of eye, I always jump. It could be a flower falling, or ash in the air for instance, and I jump sky high.
But back to my story :-). Now, please keep in mind that I am barefoot because I had not finished getting dressed yet and I usually don't wear shoes around my house. So, as I am frantically looking for the vanishing gecko my son runs around the corner still screaming and then I see it! Sauntering across my kitchen floor like he owned the place. At first I thought it was a mouse it was so big. Now me and mice??? We have a very ugly history so when I "think" I may be seeing one I tend to freak out in a very big way. Well, turns out what I was seeing was not in fact a mouse but a huge, big as my hand, make you pass out from sheer terror, COCKROACH! Umm yeah.... my fear of those things is probably rated higher then my fear of geckos and right below mice...
So.. now, my son is not the only one screaming because I too have joined in on it. And here is where my "bad parent of the year" award is given. Instead of comforting my two year old and whisking him to safety I take off running. And I don't mean that I was sort of skipping or anything. I'm talking full out Olympic style sprinting kind of running. I left my poor two year old alone, in the kitchen, screaming his poor head off. Once he realized that his screams were not the only ones going on and once he saw me take off without him, he starts frantically running after me, arms flapping, screaming "mommy, not without me! NOT WITHOUT MEEEE!!!". And what do I do??? Well, a good mother would have stopped and gotten him. Me??? I keep right on trucking! Apparently I am a flyer and apparently assume the motto "every man for himself" is correct. Who knew??? Certainly not me, because as I am typing this I still cannot believe that I left him and then chose to keep running without him even after I hear him screaming for me. No wonder that when we left for dinner he practically pushed me out the door. I can still see the look on his face when he caught up to me. It was a cross between disbelief and terror.
Anyway, the story does not end there. Once I had arrived at my destination, aka my husband, I start screaming at him about what had just transpired in the kitchen. It was at that point that I realized that my two year old was trailing behind me. Great parenting folks! As I was screaming at my husband it occurred to me that he had this very confused look on his face like he had no idea what was going on. Personally I thought that I was making my point very well and A) he was the dumbest man on the planet because he couldn't understand me (I mean, whats not to understand?? Me screaming and shouting "Kill it with a shoe" should have been clear), B) I wasn't making as much sense as I thought I was (okay, truthfully I could have been speaking gibberish, or Thai for that matter), or C) he again was the dumbest man on the planet because he decided that this was the perfect opportunity to make fun of me. Turns, it was a little bit of both B & C. Once I started making sense (to both of apparently) and once he seemed to have a little fun at my expense, he went to the shoe closet and grabbed my shoe. Of course it was my shoe! There weren't like fifty other shoes to choose from or anything!
And here is where C comes in. As he is standing in the kitchen looking for the roach that had apparently vanished, he says "come and show me where you saw it". So, stupidly I walk barefoot into the kitchen. That poor silly man, lol! He decided that this was prime time to shout "look out, its right behind you!" Umm, lesson learned on his part. You DO NOT, under any circumstance, do that to a very agitated, and very scared woman. As i am jumping and dancing around the kitchen trying to get away from the roach and onto something high it occurs to me that I have turned in a complete circle and that there was no roach behind me. It was at this point that I pummeled that man so hard that he was swearing up and down that he was going to be bruised in the morning. Sorry honey. I know that it is rather embarrassing to have to tell your coworkers that the bruise on your arm was caused by a girl! After he had shaken off his pummeling and after I decided to come back out of my room (yes, I did have to walk away after that to prevent causing further injury to my husband or from my kids learning a few new four letter words), I hear the beautiful sound of shoe smacking floor!
After all was said and done, we both agreed that it was by far the biggest roach either of us had ever seen. We also both agreed that I should never be allowed to take our kids down water slides (whole other story, lol) because of me being a flight risk and all. Oh, and mother of the year??? Totally out of the running. I would however win "loudest screamer of all time" with my two year old coming in second! Guess he just needs to learn to run a little faster now ;-)
Until next time!
Kristen
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
A Gecko ate your baby...
Not really. A gecko did not in fact eat my baby, or any baby that I know of. One did however cross the line at climbing into my baby's bed and thus died an untimely death under my flip flop. Seriously, you would think that by now that when their aunt gecko and uncle gecko, cousins, brothers, sisters, whatever, didn't come back that they would learn to stay away from the crazy white lady and her whacking shoe. But no, they are not that smart and alas, I have been forced to kill a few over the last couple of days. I'm not proud, but I am insanely happy that I am getting rid of the little suckers, one gecko at a time!
So the back story. Yesterday we hired a new maid and in an effort to start her out on the right foot, I was walking around opening curtains and picking up some things that had been left on the floor. And yes. I am the crazy person who attempts to clean before the maid comes over. Anyway, I take off walking to my room when I see this... Thing, shoot out from under my bed. I scream of course prompting my oldest to yell from the living room asking what was wrong. He's a brave one, that one, lol! It was brown and rather large so my first thought was mouse. Now seriously, if you have ever seen a gecko you know that they look nothing like a mouse, but seeing as how I am terrified of both and mice more so, my brain coverts scary things into mice apparently. Anywho, after my life finished playing out before me (this was a heart attack inducing experience after all, thus near death and the whole life flashing thing), I realized that what I was seeing was not a mouse after all. So, brave one that I am, I stand there looking at it hoping that my mere stare will reduce it to ashes. Since that didn't work, I was left with the whacking shoe.
As I am about to turn on my heel to retrieve my shoe from the hall closet, as my bedroom closet was off limits due to the gecko standing between us, I decide to take one more look at it so that I don't lose him. And that my friends is when that little sucker made the decision that ultimately lead to me taking his little gecko life. He ran towards Baby K's blankets that were on the floor, over her teddy, and into her bed! Of course only the kids were home and since I have passed on my fear to them, they were totally useless. After about 15 minutes of getting my stomach and brain to cooperate with me I grabbed my shoe and took off for my room.
Turns that the little gecko was a runner. When he saw me coming (I swear he was waiting for me) he took off for my bed. Crazy lady that I am, I started screaming and he turned towards the crib again. I was so pissed by this point that I took the crib and slid it across the floor and started running after the gecko screaming and waving my shoe. Eventually the madness ended when I cornered him again the dresser and proceeded to whack the poo out of him. Needless to say but totally saying it anyway, that gecko is no longer with us...
So, with that being said, umm yeah, later that day I almost died again due to another gecko attack. I was putting away my crochet supplies when one came within inches of my face in the closet. It seems as though I may be doomed, or cursed, or something, for these random gecko attacks to keep occurring. Oh, and I should probably mention the third one who tried to kill me when I opened the sliding door in our living room. Those two are currently still at large and have a rather sizeable bounty on their tiny heads. Oh well. Such is life in sunny Thailand!
Kristen
So the back story. Yesterday we hired a new maid and in an effort to start her out on the right foot, I was walking around opening curtains and picking up some things that had been left on the floor. And yes. I am the crazy person who attempts to clean before the maid comes over. Anyway, I take off walking to my room when I see this... Thing, shoot out from under my bed. I scream of course prompting my oldest to yell from the living room asking what was wrong. He's a brave one, that one, lol! It was brown and rather large so my first thought was mouse. Now seriously, if you have ever seen a gecko you know that they look nothing like a mouse, but seeing as how I am terrified of both and mice more so, my brain coverts scary things into mice apparently. Anywho, after my life finished playing out before me (this was a heart attack inducing experience after all, thus near death and the whole life flashing thing), I realized that what I was seeing was not a mouse after all. So, brave one that I am, I stand there looking at it hoping that my mere stare will reduce it to ashes. Since that didn't work, I was left with the whacking shoe.
As I am about to turn on my heel to retrieve my shoe from the hall closet, as my bedroom closet was off limits due to the gecko standing between us, I decide to take one more look at it so that I don't lose him. And that my friends is when that little sucker made the decision that ultimately lead to me taking his little gecko life. He ran towards Baby K's blankets that were on the floor, over her teddy, and into her bed! Of course only the kids were home and since I have passed on my fear to them, they were totally useless. After about 15 minutes of getting my stomach and brain to cooperate with me I grabbed my shoe and took off for my room.
Turns that the little gecko was a runner. When he saw me coming (I swear he was waiting for me) he took off for my bed. Crazy lady that I am, I started screaming and he turned towards the crib again. I was so pissed by this point that I took the crib and slid it across the floor and started running after the gecko screaming and waving my shoe. Eventually the madness ended when I cornered him again the dresser and proceeded to whack the poo out of him. Needless to say but totally saying it anyway, that gecko is no longer with us...
So, with that being said, umm yeah, later that day I almost died again due to another gecko attack. I was putting away my crochet supplies when one came within inches of my face in the closet. It seems as though I may be doomed, or cursed, or something, for these random gecko attacks to keep occurring. Oh, and I should probably mention the third one who tried to kill me when I opened the sliding door in our living room. Those two are currently still at large and have a rather sizeable bounty on their tiny heads. Oh well. Such is life in sunny Thailand!
Kristen
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Stranded on a deserted mountain on New Years eve...
A few weeks ago I decided to take the kids out riding on the golf course behind our house. There is a spot that I have been itching to see that is about as far away from our house as you can get without leaving the compound. To get there from my front door it takes about 15 minutes but the drive is well worth the city/mountain/lake views that await you. I loved it so much up there that I started taking the kids there every afternoon just to take in the sites and let the kids roll around on the hills. It truly is a gorgeous place and to top it off, there isn't a soul around to bother you. And with that being said, here is my story of being stranded on top of a mountain with no one around.
The day started out like any typical day in our family. Nothing special going on. Just a nice, quite, relaxing day. Since we had been having those types of days for the better part of a week with the hubby being off from work, we were all going a bit stir crazy. So, around 4pm we loaded up the kids on the golf cart and took off to the swimming pool in our compound. The pool was a bit dirty from all the ash of the brush fire the day prior, and with there being no pool toys, it turned out to be a rather quick trip. After leaving the pool we decided that we needed more "out time"so we took off for the mountain for the kids to play.
As were are driving along i stated to smell this very foul odor. I had smelled it earlier on the way to the pool and thought it smelled like pesticides , but I wanst 100% sure. The higher we climbed the worse the smell got. Since there was no one around spraying I started looking for more fires thinking maybe that could have been it. We saw a few but they were off in the distances miles away, so that wanst it either. So??? What could it be???
Umm yes, we very soon found out what it could be! As we were getting to the place where we usually stop with the kids for them to play I turned to the hubby and said "hmm, I wonder if it could be the golf cart making that smell?" And would you know that no sooner did those words leave my mouth that the hubby turns to be while frantically pushing the gas and says "oh now you figure it out!". WORST. TIMING. EVER!!!
So, here we are. At the very least, two miles away from the house. Up a mountain. With three kids in what we presumed was a broken down golf cart. Not a soul around to help because it was New Years eve and people had stopped playing golf hours before. Oh, and lets not forget that it was close to dinner time and we were all wet from being at the pool!
Since the battery compartment was hot to the touch the hubby had us get off the golf cart while he tried to get his thoughts together on how we were getting back home. She-woman that I am decided to try and take control of the situation and was getting ready to put the babe in the basket and have our five year old drive down the mountain while the hubby and I pushed. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea, lol!
Before actually attempting to play out my idea the hubby had an even better one. You see, where the drive/park stick is located is right below where our big kid was resting his feet. The hubby had the genius idea to check to ensure that we hadn't accidentally been put in neutral before attempting my brilliant idea. Umm, yeah. It had!!! We weren't stranded after all. At least not yet!
It turns out that there is something wrong with our golf cart that does in fact involve the battery compartment and a rather stinky smell. Since the golf cart is just a rental and since we have no idea how to open the darn thing, we have to "call the guy" to come out and fix it. Note to self: call the guy! Anyway, we did make it home without further incident, smelling like burnt rubber. Stinky smell and almost being stranded aside, it was a rather nice drive and an interesting way to end the year, especially seeing as how I had been stranded at the start of our year in Thailand... TWICE! I see a very disturbing theme developing here, lol!
After safely arriving home and parking the golf cart WITHOUT plugging it in (that was pretty much the only good idea I brought to the table) we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by some TV time and bed. I was the only one up to see the new year roll in as my crew had long since passed out.
Well, since it is dinner time, I really must go. I hope you all have a fantastic new year!
Kristen
The day started out like any typical day in our family. Nothing special going on. Just a nice, quite, relaxing day. Since we had been having those types of days for the better part of a week with the hubby being off from work, we were all going a bit stir crazy. So, around 4pm we loaded up the kids on the golf cart and took off to the swimming pool in our compound. The pool was a bit dirty from all the ash of the brush fire the day prior, and with there being no pool toys, it turned out to be a rather quick trip. After leaving the pool we decided that we needed more "out time"so we took off for the mountain for the kids to play.
As were are driving along i stated to smell this very foul odor. I had smelled it earlier on the way to the pool and thought it smelled like pesticides , but I wanst 100% sure. The higher we climbed the worse the smell got. Since there was no one around spraying I started looking for more fires thinking maybe that could have been it. We saw a few but they were off in the distances miles away, so that wanst it either. So??? What could it be???
Umm yes, we very soon found out what it could be! As we were getting to the place where we usually stop with the kids for them to play I turned to the hubby and said "hmm, I wonder if it could be the golf cart making that smell?" And would you know that no sooner did those words leave my mouth that the hubby turns to be while frantically pushing the gas and says "oh now you figure it out!". WORST. TIMING. EVER!!!
So, here we are. At the very least, two miles away from the house. Up a mountain. With three kids in what we presumed was a broken down golf cart. Not a soul around to help because it was New Years eve and people had stopped playing golf hours before. Oh, and lets not forget that it was close to dinner time and we were all wet from being at the pool!
Since the battery compartment was hot to the touch the hubby had us get off the golf cart while he tried to get his thoughts together on how we were getting back home. She-woman that I am decided to try and take control of the situation and was getting ready to put the babe in the basket and have our five year old drive down the mountain while the hubby and I pushed. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea, lol!
Before actually attempting to play out my idea the hubby had an even better one. You see, where the drive/park stick is located is right below where our big kid was resting his feet. The hubby had the genius idea to check to ensure that we hadn't accidentally been put in neutral before attempting my brilliant idea. Umm, yeah. It had!!! We weren't stranded after all. At least not yet!
It turns out that there is something wrong with our golf cart that does in fact involve the battery compartment and a rather stinky smell. Since the golf cart is just a rental and since we have no idea how to open the darn thing, we have to "call the guy" to come out and fix it. Note to self: call the guy! Anyway, we did make it home without further incident, smelling like burnt rubber. Stinky smell and almost being stranded aside, it was a rather nice drive and an interesting way to end the year, especially seeing as how I had been stranded at the start of our year in Thailand... TWICE! I see a very disturbing theme developing here, lol!
After safely arriving home and parking the golf cart WITHOUT plugging it in (that was pretty much the only good idea I brought to the table) we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by some TV time and bed. I was the only one up to see the new year roll in as my crew had long since passed out.
Well, since it is dinner time, I really must go. I hope you all have a fantastic new year!
Kristen
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Thailand 2012 Year End Review
We have officially been in Thailand for a whole four months and I must say that I have a learned a thing or two since our arrival. Heck, I learned a lot before our arrival, lol! We have had some good times and some bad, but all in all, it was life with my family, so it was great! So, with that being said, here is my list of year 2012 most memorable moments:
10) When you are waiting for your husband to call with news about your move to Texas, holding your breath is not advisable. You think i would have learned this fact a few years when back when the whole "moving to Texas" thing started. But alas, I held my breath anyway and the call never came. Well, it did, but not with news about a Texas move. Although, I must admit that when my husband said Thailand I did in fact ask if that was in Texas. Umm, no. It isn't!
9) Moving to a foreign country is hard, especially when that country is a 3rd world country. Before our arrival everyone we talked to informed us that living here would be like a permanent vacation, or a staycation if you will. Well, they were seriously wrong as our time in Thailand has been anything but. Hopefully 2013 will be much nicer.
8) Tokay's, geckos, rats, bees, and ants, do not make for great pets or house guest! Enough said!!!
7) Flying with three kids half way around the world is not as bad as you would think. Well, maybe it is for people who have less chilled kids then ours, but ours did great! Could have also had something to do with the fact that we flew first class.....
6) I always knew that life was short and that family was important. I never felt those lessons more then on October 19 (state side). My outlook on life changed with one phone call.
5) Seeing your last baby turn one is both a sad and amazing feeling all at once! She is finally walking and even says a few words.
4) Watching your second child grown into a boy who can talk in full sentences when you previous thought you would need interventions is an amazing feeling. Heck, the boy even says a few words of Thai! He is an amazing little man with so much personality!
3) Seeing your oldest go off to "big kid school", especially in a foreign country, is a hard thing for a momma to process. There are still days when I question our decision. Every day I hold my breath until I have him home with me again.
2) Celebrating the 10 year anniversary with the most amazing man ever! We didn't do anything big and flashy, but we spent it together with our babies and it was great!
1) I guess the most memorable thing that I can think of for 2012 isn't so much a single memorable moment as it is a collection of moments. 2012 was harsh and kind all at the same time and it is a year that I will never forget for many reasons (see previous 9 for starters). We have been blessed in so many ways and I thank God every day that my family is together and healthy and happy.
So, with all of that being said, my new motto for the new year is "Worrying will never change the outcome". I really need to learn this lesson and stop stressing so much over things that I cannot change.
And to my family: I love you all dearly and life would not be same without every single one of you in it! Thank you for being you!
Happy New Year!
Kristen
10) When you are waiting for your husband to call with news about your move to Texas, holding your breath is not advisable. You think i would have learned this fact a few years when back when the whole "moving to Texas" thing started. But alas, I held my breath anyway and the call never came. Well, it did, but not with news about a Texas move. Although, I must admit that when my husband said Thailand I did in fact ask if that was in Texas. Umm, no. It isn't!
9) Moving to a foreign country is hard, especially when that country is a 3rd world country. Before our arrival everyone we talked to informed us that living here would be like a permanent vacation, or a staycation if you will. Well, they were seriously wrong as our time in Thailand has been anything but. Hopefully 2013 will be much nicer.
8) Tokay's, geckos, rats, bees, and ants, do not make for great pets or house guest! Enough said!!!
7) Flying with three kids half way around the world is not as bad as you would think. Well, maybe it is for people who have less chilled kids then ours, but ours did great! Could have also had something to do with the fact that we flew first class.....
6) I always knew that life was short and that family was important. I never felt those lessons more then on October 19 (state side). My outlook on life changed with one phone call.
5) Seeing your last baby turn one is both a sad and amazing feeling all at once! She is finally walking and even says a few words.
4) Watching your second child grown into a boy who can talk in full sentences when you previous thought you would need interventions is an amazing feeling. Heck, the boy even says a few words of Thai! He is an amazing little man with so much personality!
3) Seeing your oldest go off to "big kid school", especially in a foreign country, is a hard thing for a momma to process. There are still days when I question our decision. Every day I hold my breath until I have him home with me again.
2) Celebrating the 10 year anniversary with the most amazing man ever! We didn't do anything big and flashy, but we spent it together with our babies and it was great!
1) I guess the most memorable thing that I can think of for 2012 isn't so much a single memorable moment as it is a collection of moments. 2012 was harsh and kind all at the same time and it is a year that I will never forget for many reasons (see previous 9 for starters). We have been blessed in so many ways and I thank God every day that my family is together and healthy and happy.
So, with all of that being said, my new motto for the new year is "Worrying will never change the outcome". I really need to learn this lesson and stop stressing so much over things that I cannot change.
And to my family: I love you all dearly and life would not be same without every single one of you in it! Thank you for being you!
Happy New Year!
Kristen
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