Before you judge me for sharing too much information about my bowel habits, no, I do not in fact have diarrhea, and even if I did, as much as I tell you lovely folks, that would not be something that I would share! No, no, and NO! I am a lady after all. So, no, that is not what this post is about. This post is about my new maid who we shall call Khun Number Four & Final. I have to call her that because we are leaving Thailand soon and there is no way that I will be hiring yet another maid.
So, a little back story; this maid is number four. Maid number one left me to open a bakery and her English was very broken, but we could communicate very well and she set the gold standard for maids. Maid number two it took 15 minutes and two Thai/English translators to fire her (in case you missed it, she spoke NO English). Maid number three took nine, yes NINE, paid vacation days before quitting, bad mouthing me to other Expats, and then begged for her job back. She spoke great English, and what she lacked in cleaning skills she made up for with helping with the kiddos when I went grocery shopping. But again, she took nine paid vacation days and she was only with me for about 8 weeks.
Which brings us to maid number four, Khun Number Four & Final ( Khun NFF, for short). Khun NFF and I came into contact due to a very dear friend, the sassy and awesome Mrs. S, and her former maid (who shall remain nameless due to our current feelings toward her). Khun Nameless brought Khun NFF over to my house one fine Saturday morning and it was very apparent, very quickly I might add, why she brought this woman over verses just referring her. Apparently Khun NFF does not speak a lick of English. In the past this would have bothered me (especially in light of maid 2), but I gave up on the whole English speaking thing and decided to hire Khun NFF. Besides, having a maid makes me look like a really awesome wife and like I have my shit together, and really, who wouldn't want to prolong that imagine when you can ;-)
Khun NFF and I had the typical growing pains associate with her being new in my home and dealing with things the way I wanted. Other then that, in my opinion, I thought things were going very well. Every now and then I would ask our driver if she were happy, and he always said yes. I was very pleased with this because she liked me. He said that. He said she liked me. She really liked me!! Yes, finally someone who may stay and not take a bazillion vacation days, because she likes me!!! I know that sounds pathetic, really I do, but after losing three other maids and going through what we did to get our fantastic driver, a girl tends to develop a complex.
And then one day it happened. I asked the question and he says "yes madam, she happy. You very easy take care of, but...". Oh, the but. How did I know that he would eventually through out "but". Insert complex here! Oh man. She does not like me. She does not like me at all!! Why??? What did I do?? Why doesn't she like me?? Again, yes pathetic I know, but I couldn't help thinking those thoughts. However, the "but" wasn't as bad as I feared. It wasn't bad at all, really. In fact, the "but" was actually quite heartwarming, if you will. She wasn't happy because she couldn't talk to me. She wanted to learn English to talk to ME!!! Bye, bye complex, and hello pathetic girl who is happy that her maid likes her!
My driver however was not pleased with her declaration that she wanted to go to school and promptly told her that she was too old. Poor guy. He really does not know how to talk to women. Like at all. I remember showing him a dress that I got from the dress shop one day, and maid number three proclaimed that he should buy one for his wife and he said "Oh no. She too fat. She very, very big!" (insert very big hand gestures, here). He told her that she should just try talking to me instead. Okay, I can work with that. However, once I took it upon myself to engage her more, it quickly became apparent that not only did she not speak English, she doesn't all that much understand it either. Charades was getting us nowhere. And I do mean nowhere. I happen to think that I'm pretty good at that game now, but not with Khun NFF.
Eventually though, I did notice that she was coming in with more English words. She actually sang to the kids one day the ABC's. Hmm, this got me thinking that maybe just being around us was helping her. She would come in and say "good morning", she would call the kids by their names, she still said "I come back, go home" when it was quitting time, but I really thought that she was doing a good job with the few words that it seemed she picked up from us. We still had to call the driver when we need significant information exchanged, but charades was getting easier, so I figured we were on the right track to teaching Khun NFF English.
I realized yesterday that I was very wrong about us, the kids and I that is, being the source of her new found English skills. Around 4:15, when I knew that she was done for the day and was just hanging around until quitting time, I walked into her room and told her that she could come back go home. That is when I noticed that she was reading a book. So, I asked her what she was reading. She promptly walked over with a big smile on her face and showed me the book. It was a copy of a Thai to English book. She had/has been reading this book and learning English all along, because again, she likes me and wants to talk to me. This is however where the story takes a very funny "I have diarrhea" turn.
The first sentence that I see when she hands me the book was a translation for "I have diarrhea". Now, why in the whole big wide world would a Thai person need to know the translation for that sentence?? I can understand a farang like myself needing to know how to say that in Thai, (especially given the state of some of the restaurants around here and given the multitude of street vendors) but a Thai person needing to know how to say that in English just blows my mind. I mean seriously, if a Thai person needs to go to the Dr. for diarrhea, chances are that they can communicate this perfectly fine in Thai. Out of all the key phrases a Thai person should know in English, that ain't one of them!!
Being that I really like this woman and want her to have a good job before I leave, and knowing that "I have diarrhea" should not be the first full English sentence that Khun NFF says, especially to a prospective new employer, I told her to stay put and ran inside to find my extra copy of my language book from my Thai lessons. I mean seriously, I could not let this woman leave my house knowing how to say THAT perfectly and still proclaiming "I come back, go home" as her goodbye for the day.
After skimming the book for a few seconds, I was rewarded with another big ol' Thai smile and one very big "thank you" (well, lots of thanks. She was very happy). Given her work ethic I am very hopeful, and almost certain, that when she gets her next job she will have a better understanding of English and be able to speak it (you know, minus the whole diarrhea part) very well. She is a great maid, a hard worker, and a really nice person.
Kristen
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Be afraid, be very afraid...
Of the crazy white woman living in 3C. I am certain, absolutely certain, that the poor flower lady was thinking just that on Monday when she dropped by for her weekly sale. If you have been following this blog since the beginning then you remember all about "Remy" the interloper and about how despite his unwelcome appearance in my life and that of the world in fact, no Thai person would kill him. I tried getting him offed to no avail. Even though I couldn't do anything about Remy, I could, and can, do something about the many geckos that live in our house.
The Monday started out like any. My kids were up way too early after a long night and I still hadn't managed to put on my coffee or a bra when the doorbell rings. Flower lady was running early, just like everything else it seemed. So, after I grab my wallet I walk to the door and open it to find a big gecko staring at me from the INSIDE of the screen door. Now, my thinking is that the screen door should screen unwanted pest from getting into my house. Apparently, that isn't how it works here... Anyway, after screaming like a crazy person while simultaneously trying to relay my flower order, the gecko found a way to get into my living room. Since the flower lady didn't have the flowers that I wanted she had to go back to her truck, and while she did that, I took the opportunity to exact my revenge on the gecko.
After slamming the door (really, I slammed that sucker so loud my doorbell rang), I took off for the shoe closet and grabbed my tennis shoe. It was a big gecko and a little slow, so I didn't have much of a chase. By this time however, the little sucker managed to cram himself right in front of the front door. I swear, I really do need to film me killing a gecko one day because apparently I go a bit savage. I start screaming and jumping around, and when I'm done I swear my heart is beating so fast you would swear I had just run a marathon. Seriously, these things scare the living daylights out of me! Anyway, apparently, unbeknownst to me, the flower lady had returned and was waiting on me outside while all this commotion was going on. She may have also seen me through the side panel window, but I cannot verify that, nor do I want to.
So, after he had been dealt with I didn't really have time to clean up my mess so I just opened the door. And yep, there she stood, wide mouthed, slacked arms, and just this look of utter confusion and fright on her face. I'm beginning to think that opening the door with a dead gecko at my feet, while holding my pink tennis shoe, and wearing the smile of a crazy girl, was NOT a good idea!!
After she tentatively took my money, she ran, (yes ran), back to her truck. I was sure that I would never see her again. But alas, money is a big motivator and I'm a good client, so she was back the next week. I did notice that she stood slightly farther away from me though ;-)
Until next time,
Kristen
The Monday started out like any. My kids were up way too early after a long night and I still hadn't managed to put on my coffee or a bra when the doorbell rings. Flower lady was running early, just like everything else it seemed. So, after I grab my wallet I walk to the door and open it to find a big gecko staring at me from the INSIDE of the screen door. Now, my thinking is that the screen door should screen unwanted pest from getting into my house. Apparently, that isn't how it works here... Anyway, after screaming like a crazy person while simultaneously trying to relay my flower order, the gecko found a way to get into my living room. Since the flower lady didn't have the flowers that I wanted she had to go back to her truck, and while she did that, I took the opportunity to exact my revenge on the gecko.
After slamming the door (really, I slammed that sucker so loud my doorbell rang), I took off for the shoe closet and grabbed my tennis shoe. It was a big gecko and a little slow, so I didn't have much of a chase. By this time however, the little sucker managed to cram himself right in front of the front door. I swear, I really do need to film me killing a gecko one day because apparently I go a bit savage. I start screaming and jumping around, and when I'm done I swear my heart is beating so fast you would swear I had just run a marathon. Seriously, these things scare the living daylights out of me! Anyway, apparently, unbeknownst to me, the flower lady had returned and was waiting on me outside while all this commotion was going on. She may have also seen me through the side panel window, but I cannot verify that, nor do I want to.
So, after he had been dealt with I didn't really have time to clean up my mess so I just opened the door. And yep, there she stood, wide mouthed, slacked arms, and just this look of utter confusion and fright on her face. I'm beginning to think that opening the door with a dead gecko at my feet, while holding my pink tennis shoe, and wearing the smile of a crazy girl, was NOT a good idea!!
After she tentatively took my money, she ran, (yes ran), back to her truck. I was sure that I would never see her again. But alas, money is a big motivator and I'm a good client, so she was back the next week. I did notice that she stood slightly farther away from me though ;-)
Until next time,
Kristen
The Squat Pot
Oh, the squat pot! Yes, it is as interesting as it sounds!! You see, when you move to Thailand there are a few things that people don't tell you about. They will tell you that it is like living the life of a vacationer year around. There are drivers, maids, nannies, huge houses that you would never be able to afford to live in state side, etc. That's the sales pitch, you see. Vacation?? Maid?? Driver??? Sign me up, please!!! What they don't tell you are all the gory details, which kind of remind of when I was pregnant and gave birth. It's magical, they say! Ha!! I'm beginning to think "They" do know of what they speak.
The first time I encountered the pot was at the Tokyo airport. I'm a last stall kind of girl. I like to do my business in private. Well, low and behold when I opened that last stall door there it stood, or better yet, sat, the squat pot. I quickly opened every door in the restroom to see where exactly I could do my business without appearing as though I was trying out to be the catcher on a pro baseball team. Thankfully, I found it and all was well. However, that was not the last time I would see the pot.
So, Thailand.. Umm, yeah. Well, I had been lucky up until recently to never encounter the squat pot in a situation where that, or the side of the road, were my only options. You see, not only is it the squat pot that you have to worry about, but its the lack of toilet paper. You cant flush toilet paper here, or you are not supposed to, so typically they don't have it. When they do have it, they have a trash can next to the toilet where you are supposed to put your used paper. Lets just say that I have seen way more bodily functions then I really care to... When they don't have toilet paper, what they do have however, is disgusting. Even more disgusting then the poopy paper, bucket. They have a bucket of water with a ladle sitting next to the squat pot. Care to guess how you use that??? Well, folks, its not glamorous or pretty, that's for sure! And yes, it is communal, and no they do not change it after every person... Now, I'm not sure about you, but I have in the past brought my own TP when I knew the occasion would call for it. I have not however, brought my own bucket and ladle.
A few months back my oldest got a case of upset stomach. Now, just imagine how much a squat pot with communal bucket sucks during normal times, and multiple that times 100% with a stomach ache. It sucks even more when your husband frantically calls you from the WOMEN's restroom!!! (only urinals in the men's) to tell you that he needs baby wipes and sanitizer, ASAP!! After grabbing the supplies I head to the restroom to find it covered in about three inches of restroom water and my six year old SITTING on a squat pot!! Yes, he was sitting!!! I look at my husband, look at my son, then back to my husband and say the first thing that comes to mind "What the hell dude!" Apparently trying to hold a 40 pound, lanky, six year old boy over a squat pot while trying to juggle his underwear necessitated sitting on the squat pot. Lets just say that 64 wipes of a brand new pack of antibacterial wipes, a bottle of Purell, and 5 times of being soaped up in the shower, was the ONLY thing that gave me peace about that situation. I may have also asked my husband if we should take him to the DR. to get him a shot. A shot of what, I have no idea, but I was convinced that he needed to be seen!
The next time that I encountered the squat pot was very recently on our way to Koh Chang. We had stopped at a gas station because I really needed to go and because our driver needed to make a phone call. All was well with that restroom. The next stop, umm no! I guess because we had ventured off the beaten path a little, Ex-Pats were no longer a consideration when they put in toilets. So, I decided to wait until we got to the ferry. Surly they would have a Western toilet there. Right??? Wrong!!! Big fat wrong!! What amazed me though was this Asian girl who walked out as I was walking in. I didn't notice her attire when I walked in as I had other things on my mind, but her attire caught my attention in a big way when I walked out and realized that she must have used the squat pot. She was wearing a romper (not really sure how she managed that one) and five inch platform heals!!. Now, please tell me how in the world the girl managed to go like that??? If she did, I, in my flip flop and shorts could have done it! Right??? Right??? Wrong, again!! I just couldn't get over my mental block of peeing in that hole. I could not put my feet on a spot where pee and poop splatter was residing. I just couldn't do it...
Apparently the reverse is true for Asian women in that they cannot put their butts in a spot where pee and poop splatter are likely residing, because from what I hear, they do not like Western toilets (hover ladies, just hover). Apparently they do not, for the most part, even know how to use them. I am making that assumption purely based on the fact that in the mall restrooms they actually have signs with a woman standing on a Western toilet with a slash through it. The next picture is of a woman sitting on the toilet looking happy and no slash. Weirdest signs E-V-E-R!!!
Anyway, I have to make dinner now, so I guess I had better get going. So, if you are ever in Thailand, just remember, skip the TP and bring the ladle!! (and maybe your own bucket ;-))
See ya,
Kristen
The first time I encountered the pot was at the Tokyo airport. I'm a last stall kind of girl. I like to do my business in private. Well, low and behold when I opened that last stall door there it stood, or better yet, sat, the squat pot. I quickly opened every door in the restroom to see where exactly I could do my business without appearing as though I was trying out to be the catcher on a pro baseball team. Thankfully, I found it and all was well. However, that was not the last time I would see the pot.
So, Thailand.. Umm, yeah. Well, I had been lucky up until recently to never encounter the squat pot in a situation where that, or the side of the road, were my only options. You see, not only is it the squat pot that you have to worry about, but its the lack of toilet paper. You cant flush toilet paper here, or you are not supposed to, so typically they don't have it. When they do have it, they have a trash can next to the toilet where you are supposed to put your used paper. Lets just say that I have seen way more bodily functions then I really care to... When they don't have toilet paper, what they do have however, is disgusting. Even more disgusting then the poopy paper, bucket. They have a bucket of water with a ladle sitting next to the squat pot. Care to guess how you use that??? Well, folks, its not glamorous or pretty, that's for sure! And yes, it is communal, and no they do not change it after every person... Now, I'm not sure about you, but I have in the past brought my own TP when I knew the occasion would call for it. I have not however, brought my own bucket and ladle.
A few months back my oldest got a case of upset stomach. Now, just imagine how much a squat pot with communal bucket sucks during normal times, and multiple that times 100% with a stomach ache. It sucks even more when your husband frantically calls you from the WOMEN's restroom!!! (only urinals in the men's) to tell you that he needs baby wipes and sanitizer, ASAP!! After grabbing the supplies I head to the restroom to find it covered in about three inches of restroom water and my six year old SITTING on a squat pot!! Yes, he was sitting!!! I look at my husband, look at my son, then back to my husband and say the first thing that comes to mind "What the hell dude!" Apparently trying to hold a 40 pound, lanky, six year old boy over a squat pot while trying to juggle his underwear necessitated sitting on the squat pot. Lets just say that 64 wipes of a brand new pack of antibacterial wipes, a bottle of Purell, and 5 times of being soaped up in the shower, was the ONLY thing that gave me peace about that situation. I may have also asked my husband if we should take him to the DR. to get him a shot. A shot of what, I have no idea, but I was convinced that he needed to be seen!
The next time that I encountered the squat pot was very recently on our way to Koh Chang. We had stopped at a gas station because I really needed to go and because our driver needed to make a phone call. All was well with that restroom. The next stop, umm no! I guess because we had ventured off the beaten path a little, Ex-Pats were no longer a consideration when they put in toilets. So, I decided to wait until we got to the ferry. Surly they would have a Western toilet there. Right??? Wrong!!! Big fat wrong!! What amazed me though was this Asian girl who walked out as I was walking in. I didn't notice her attire when I walked in as I had other things on my mind, but her attire caught my attention in a big way when I walked out and realized that she must have used the squat pot. She was wearing a romper (not really sure how she managed that one) and five inch platform heals!!. Now, please tell me how in the world the girl managed to go like that??? If she did, I, in my flip flop and shorts could have done it! Right??? Right??? Wrong, again!! I just couldn't get over my mental block of peeing in that hole. I could not put my feet on a spot where pee and poop splatter was residing. I just couldn't do it...
Apparently the reverse is true for Asian women in that they cannot put their butts in a spot where pee and poop splatter are likely residing, because from what I hear, they do not like Western toilets (hover ladies, just hover). Apparently they do not, for the most part, even know how to use them. I am making that assumption purely based on the fact that in the mall restrooms they actually have signs with a woman standing on a Western toilet with a slash through it. The next picture is of a woman sitting on the toilet looking happy and no slash. Weirdest signs E-V-E-R!!!
Anyway, I have to make dinner now, so I guess I had better get going. So, if you are ever in Thailand, just remember, skip the TP and bring the ladle!! (and maybe your own bucket ;-))
See ya,
Kristen
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Indecent shopping..
Indecent shopping. What is it??? Well, indecent shopping can be classified as shopping for things that you most certainly would not want your grandmother knowing about, or in my case, my Pentecostal mother-in-law. You see, the malls here aren't exactly flaunting the fact that they sell indecent "things", but they aren't exactly hiding it either. In fact, on the third floor of our "nice mall" you can purchase not only drug paraphernalia, but the outfits in black/green/red, to go with it. Of course some provisions are taken to ensure that those outside the mall do not know what is being sold inside the mall as each little shop has a "Do Not Photo" sign right out in front.
And now, without further ado, what I purchased! What will now be forever known as "The Statue" can be found only in the basement of the nice mall and hidden in the back of smaller stores in the not nice mall. "The Statue" comes in various sizes and are a black resin material. I believe that some of the smaller ones are hand carved as they appear to be real wood (can you imagine THAT being your day job!), and the big ones are very hard to miss when they are sitting on the shelf with the fine china ;-) And FYI, I only know this because they are prevalent and not because I desired to have this intimate knowledge.
Anyway, I first discovered"The Statue" when I was trying to purchase small wooden frogs for my nieces and nephews back home. As I was reaching into the basket of frogs my hand came dangerously close to touching a mini "The Statue" attached to a key chain. Thinking that I was seeing things, because who in their right mind would place mini "The Statues" next to frogs especially in "The Nice Mall", I calmly walk around the corner and realize that what I had seen was tame. Not only were there much bigger "The Statues" around the corner, there were some that were attached to people and engaged in various extracurricular activities. I was so confused and frightened that I had accidentally walked into a porn store with my three children and that the police would be there any minute to take us away. But no. No we were not. We were in a regular ol' store and here, there was nothing indecent about it. My dad still does not believe me when I tell him this story, because really and truly, it is rather unbelievable that as a culture it is so accepted here.
So, that was my first experience with indecent shopping. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would actually go back to the mall with the sole purpose of actually acquiring some of "The Statue's". However, when a friend tells you that all they could find were big "The Statue" and that they were throwing a Hen Night (bachelorette party), people like me with knowledge that cannot be unknown, come in handy. So, I volunteered to purchase smaller "The Statue" in key chain form since I would be in town.
After having a nice lunch with my friend, we take off to the "Nice Mall". She had no idea that "The Statue" was lurking in the basement and thought that we could only find them in the not nice mall. Umm no. They reside everywhere! So, we get down to the basement and I take her over to the shop where I usually buy nice wooden carvings of elephants and dragons, and direct her attention to the wicker basket hidden behind a shelf. She, being slightly embarrassed at our task, walks to the other side of the store as I go through the basket of wooden elephants, frogs, and "The Statue". When I look up to see where she had gone her face turns bright red and I soon find out why. Apparently the only person willing to bring me a bag to put these things in was a very young Thai guy with a huge embarrassed smile on his face. The lady who runs the shop and who knows me by the way (fantastic!!), was too occupied trying to hide her smile to help. It seems that two white women in the basement buying "The Statue" is quite the funny sight (especially when one of the women decides to taunt her friend by holding up the different varieties for her friend to see in an attempt to see just how red her face can get ;-). So, after we make our rather embarrassing purchase, we scramble on up to the floors where decent folks roamed with our purchase firmly in HER grasp. I bought them so she had to hold them! I hear that they were a big hit at the party by the way ;-).
Anyway, so that is the kind of shopping experience you can expect to have if you roam the various floors in the malls around here. You have Versace on one floor and "The Statue" on the next.Oh the places you can go!
Until next time!
Kristen
And now, without further ado, what I purchased! What will now be forever known as "The Statue" can be found only in the basement of the nice mall and hidden in the back of smaller stores in the not nice mall. "The Statue" comes in various sizes and are a black resin material. I believe that some of the smaller ones are hand carved as they appear to be real wood (can you imagine THAT being your day job!), and the big ones are very hard to miss when they are sitting on the shelf with the fine china ;-) And FYI, I only know this because they are prevalent and not because I desired to have this intimate knowledge.
Anyway, I first discovered"The Statue" when I was trying to purchase small wooden frogs for my nieces and nephews back home. As I was reaching into the basket of frogs my hand came dangerously close to touching a mini "The Statue" attached to a key chain. Thinking that I was seeing things, because who in their right mind would place mini "The Statues" next to frogs especially in "The Nice Mall", I calmly walk around the corner and realize that what I had seen was tame. Not only were there much bigger "The Statues" around the corner, there were some that were attached to people and engaged in various extracurricular activities. I was so confused and frightened that I had accidentally walked into a porn store with my three children and that the police would be there any minute to take us away. But no. No we were not. We were in a regular ol' store and here, there was nothing indecent about it. My dad still does not believe me when I tell him this story, because really and truly, it is rather unbelievable that as a culture it is so accepted here.
So, that was my first experience with indecent shopping. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would actually go back to the mall with the sole purpose of actually acquiring some of "The Statue's". However, when a friend tells you that all they could find were big "The Statue" and that they were throwing a Hen Night (bachelorette party), people like me with knowledge that cannot be unknown, come in handy. So, I volunteered to purchase smaller "The Statue" in key chain form since I would be in town.
After having a nice lunch with my friend, we take off to the "Nice Mall". She had no idea that "The Statue" was lurking in the basement and thought that we could only find them in the not nice mall. Umm no. They reside everywhere! So, we get down to the basement and I take her over to the shop where I usually buy nice wooden carvings of elephants and dragons, and direct her attention to the wicker basket hidden behind a shelf. She, being slightly embarrassed at our task, walks to the other side of the store as I go through the basket of wooden elephants, frogs, and "The Statue". When I look up to see where she had gone her face turns bright red and I soon find out why. Apparently the only person willing to bring me a bag to put these things in was a very young Thai guy with a huge embarrassed smile on his face. The lady who runs the shop and who knows me by the way (fantastic!!), was too occupied trying to hide her smile to help. It seems that two white women in the basement buying "The Statue" is quite the funny sight (especially when one of the women decides to taunt her friend by holding up the different varieties for her friend to see in an attempt to see just how red her face can get ;-). So, after we make our rather embarrassing purchase, we scramble on up to the floors where decent folks roamed with our purchase firmly in HER grasp. I bought them so she had to hold them! I hear that they were a big hit at the party by the way ;-).
Anyway, so that is the kind of shopping experience you can expect to have if you roam the various floors in the malls around here. You have Versace on one floor and "The Statue" on the next.Oh the places you can go!
Until next time!
Kristen
Friday, March 29, 2013
A call to arm: Outlaw the Pepper!!!
Okay people, I have a bit of a PSA to deliver here and I think it is a very important read because as soon as I get back to the states I fully intend on calling my local lawmakers to ensure that my "Pepper Initiative" gets enacted. No person should ever unwittingly experience what I did just last night with this evil fruit. And yes, the chili pepper is a fruit. I googled it before I posted that!
So, why my firm stance on outlawing the pepper? Well, last night my hubby got home early which was super exciting because he doesn't usually show his foxy self until around 6pm. As per our norm, after he sent me a text saying the he was on his way home, the "whats for dinner" conversation ensued. Since neither of us really wanted to go into town because of the horrendous Friday afternoon traffic, we decided to get take-out from the Thai restaurant across the street from our compound. A few weeks back we discovered that this particular restaurant makes a mean steamed veggies in oyster sauce so that is what I ordered. Unbeknowlingly to me, the first time my hubby ordered this particular dish he ordered it as "not spicy". The "not spicy" part is a big thing around here, especially if you wish to avoid what I have affectionately termed as "dragon ass" (use your imagination on that one!), so we ALWAYS order "not spicy" if the dish has two versions. When I saw this particular dish on the menu there were not two versions, so imagine my surprise when the second time we ordered this dish that it was in fact spicy and contained two red chili peppers.
Now, the red chili pepper is not the pepper that I have a problem with. It's the damn orange chili pepper that got me last night and is the one I want outlawed. You see, this chili pepper was masquerading as a carrot, which is in the dish, hence my confusion. So, as we are sitting at the dinner table and having a rather pleasant conversation about our future and our current maid problem, I see what I thought was a plump juicy carrot. I hadn't really eaten all day so I dug in with a vengeance and soon, oh so soon, realized my colossal mistake. Orange chili pepper; oh how I loathe you!!
A smart person would have realized that there were two versions of this dish, right?? I mean, after getting a spicy version the second go around I should have known that it was a possibility that the next time it would be spicy as well, especially if I did not specify. Well folks, a smart person I am not because I swear that it looked just like the slices of carrots in the dish. I think the worst part of assuming that this chili pepper was a carrot was that I took such a big bite of the darn thing. And to top it off, the end that I did not see was actually cut open so that when i bit down the juice flew all over not only my tongue, but my lips, chin, and apparently my hand which decided to swell slightly and turn bright red. After a few four letter words murmured silently behind by burning lips I start chugging water like there was no tomorrow. Since that wasn't helping AT ALL, my hubby suggested that I try milk. Even though it didn't totally take away all my pain, it did relieve it slightly.
Once all the pain had finally left me, and once I was finally able to form sentences again, my hubby, with a rather confused look on his face, asked me why I decided to eat a pepper that even Thai people don't eat. Umm, well, I thought it was a carrot! So yes people, I ate the pepper that even Thai people don't eat. Fantastic!! Oh, and to top it off, even though I didn't think that I swallowed that much of the pepper juice apparently I did. I realized this when after dinner was done I got a rather bad case of the hiccups and the juice came back up with each one. So yes. It was a rather unpleasant dinner experience.
When we arrive back home in around four months or so, I hope you will all join me with outlawing this evil fruit who has the audacity to masquerade as the carrot. I plan on starting a petition soon ;-0
Until next time!
Kristen
So, why my firm stance on outlawing the pepper? Well, last night my hubby got home early which was super exciting because he doesn't usually show his foxy self until around 6pm. As per our norm, after he sent me a text saying the he was on his way home, the "whats for dinner" conversation ensued. Since neither of us really wanted to go into town because of the horrendous Friday afternoon traffic, we decided to get take-out from the Thai restaurant across the street from our compound. A few weeks back we discovered that this particular restaurant makes a mean steamed veggies in oyster sauce so that is what I ordered. Unbeknowlingly to me, the first time my hubby ordered this particular dish he ordered it as "not spicy". The "not spicy" part is a big thing around here, especially if you wish to avoid what I have affectionately termed as "dragon ass" (use your imagination on that one!), so we ALWAYS order "not spicy" if the dish has two versions. When I saw this particular dish on the menu there were not two versions, so imagine my surprise when the second time we ordered this dish that it was in fact spicy and contained two red chili peppers.
Now, the red chili pepper is not the pepper that I have a problem with. It's the damn orange chili pepper that got me last night and is the one I want outlawed. You see, this chili pepper was masquerading as a carrot, which is in the dish, hence my confusion. So, as we are sitting at the dinner table and having a rather pleasant conversation about our future and our current maid problem, I see what I thought was a plump juicy carrot. I hadn't really eaten all day so I dug in with a vengeance and soon, oh so soon, realized my colossal mistake. Orange chili pepper; oh how I loathe you!!
A smart person would have realized that there were two versions of this dish, right?? I mean, after getting a spicy version the second go around I should have known that it was a possibility that the next time it would be spicy as well, especially if I did not specify. Well folks, a smart person I am not because I swear that it looked just like the slices of carrots in the dish. I think the worst part of assuming that this chili pepper was a carrot was that I took such a big bite of the darn thing. And to top it off, the end that I did not see was actually cut open so that when i bit down the juice flew all over not only my tongue, but my lips, chin, and apparently my hand which decided to swell slightly and turn bright red. After a few four letter words murmured silently behind by burning lips I start chugging water like there was no tomorrow. Since that wasn't helping AT ALL, my hubby suggested that I try milk. Even though it didn't totally take away all my pain, it did relieve it slightly.
Once all the pain had finally left me, and once I was finally able to form sentences again, my hubby, with a rather confused look on his face, asked me why I decided to eat a pepper that even Thai people don't eat. Umm, well, I thought it was a carrot! So yes people, I ate the pepper that even Thai people don't eat. Fantastic!! Oh, and to top it off, even though I didn't think that I swallowed that much of the pepper juice apparently I did. I realized this when after dinner was done I got a rather bad case of the hiccups and the juice came back up with each one. So yes. It was a rather unpleasant dinner experience.
When we arrive back home in around four months or so, I hope you will all join me with outlawing this evil fruit who has the audacity to masquerade as the carrot. I plan on starting a petition soon ;-0
Until next time!
Kristen
Monday, March 4, 2013
Snakes on a tree!
Oh, boy. Just when I thought that maybe our luck had finally changed in the critter department I was sadly proven very wrong. I guess I should have realized that we weren't quite done with plagues as I do believe that there were 10 in the bible (I could be wrong, so don't quote me on that. In fact I am certain that I am wrong but too lazy to look it up.).
So the story. A few weeks ago I was standing in the kitchen with the maid when all of a sudden she gets very quite. Now, if you know anything about my maid (which you probably don't since I haven't told her story yet) you know that being quiet isn't her speciality. Doing showers isn't her speciality either, but I digress. So, as we are standing there, all quite and stuff, without looking away from the window she says in a rather hushed voice "madam, there snake". Umm, excuse me?? And in a hushed voice??? Where's the concern, people??? "Snake?", I say as calm as possible (all the while shrieking like a child on the inside). "Yes, there on tree", she says and points. And holy big snake, Batman!!! This things was huge. I don't mean like huge in my imagination, huge (as my hubby so often says I blow these critters up in my mind). I mean seriously huge as in at least 5.5 FEET long! Since I myself am not even 5.5 feet tall you can see why this was concerning to me. That thing could swallow me whole and not even be completely full.
And then it moved... down the tree, and was looking at us. The snake was looking at us and blowing in the wind like it was totally in its natural habitat and not in my protective bubble that I have deemed to be at least 20 feet around the perimeter of my house. As we are watching this snake slither down the tree I look over at Khun T and ask if it were the kind where you die if it were to bite. She didn't know. So, I asked if we should call the guard. She didn't know this either. Thankfully my friend G had text me the number to the guard house when we first moved in and I knew just where I had saved that text. Unfortunately, I also learned when rereading that text that I needed the basic knowledge of how to say Thai numbers so that I could tell the non-English speaking guards where to find me. At that very moment, quiting Thai lessons did NOT seem like as good of an idea as it did two months ago.
After calming myself after I realized that I had no idea how to say my house number (my five year old could have totally helped in this situation), I decided to the give the guards a shot anyway. After they answer I said, in a rather shrieking tone, "house number, village, SNAKE!". He responds "snake? Where?". Umm, didn't we cover that??? Apparently my house number said in Thai was vitally important. After a few more attempts, he handed the phone off to someone else who could understand me since the word "snake" seemed to be very alarming and needed to be dealt with.
I kid you not, less then two minutes after we hung up they were racing down my street and in front of my house. I didn't even have time to really register and process what was going as because before I knew what was happening I saw my maid fly out the house like she was running for Olympic gold and then she and the guards appeared outside the kitchen window. Khun T was pointing in the direction of the snake, and the guard with the big whacking stick took off after it. Apparently snakes are the one critter that even Thai admit need to be killed. It seems that if you are unlucky enough to be reincarnated as snake, you better watch out!
So, after the offending reptile was located, he received a pummeling that ended his life in spectacular fashion. Satisfied with his kill, the guard bent down and picked up the snake showing his true size. When the guy was holding him he had one arm angled above his head the body of the snake reached the ground. After they carted off the body, my maid joined me in the house, informed me that he was in fact poisonous and it was good that we called, and then our day went on as if nothing unusual had happened. Such is my life in Thailand. Even when snakes appear on the tree, nothing, and I do mean nothing, is unusual about that!
Until next time!
Kristen
So the story. A few weeks ago I was standing in the kitchen with the maid when all of a sudden she gets very quite. Now, if you know anything about my maid (which you probably don't since I haven't told her story yet) you know that being quiet isn't her speciality. Doing showers isn't her speciality either, but I digress. So, as we are standing there, all quite and stuff, without looking away from the window she says in a rather hushed voice "madam, there snake". Umm, excuse me?? And in a hushed voice??? Where's the concern, people??? "Snake?", I say as calm as possible (all the while shrieking like a child on the inside). "Yes, there on tree", she says and points. And holy big snake, Batman!!! This things was huge. I don't mean like huge in my imagination, huge (as my hubby so often says I blow these critters up in my mind). I mean seriously huge as in at least 5.5 FEET long! Since I myself am not even 5.5 feet tall you can see why this was concerning to me. That thing could swallow me whole and not even be completely full.
And then it moved... down the tree, and was looking at us. The snake was looking at us and blowing in the wind like it was totally in its natural habitat and not in my protective bubble that I have deemed to be at least 20 feet around the perimeter of my house. As we are watching this snake slither down the tree I look over at Khun T and ask if it were the kind where you die if it were to bite. She didn't know. So, I asked if we should call the guard. She didn't know this either. Thankfully my friend G had text me the number to the guard house when we first moved in and I knew just where I had saved that text. Unfortunately, I also learned when rereading that text that I needed the basic knowledge of how to say Thai numbers so that I could tell the non-English speaking guards where to find me. At that very moment, quiting Thai lessons did NOT seem like as good of an idea as it did two months ago.
After calming myself after I realized that I had no idea how to say my house number (my five year old could have totally helped in this situation), I decided to the give the guards a shot anyway. After they answer I said, in a rather shrieking tone, "house number, village, SNAKE!". He responds "snake? Where?". Umm, didn't we cover that??? Apparently my house number said in Thai was vitally important. After a few more attempts, he handed the phone off to someone else who could understand me since the word "snake" seemed to be very alarming and needed to be dealt with.
I kid you not, less then two minutes after we hung up they were racing down my street and in front of my house. I didn't even have time to really register and process what was going as because before I knew what was happening I saw my maid fly out the house like she was running for Olympic gold and then she and the guards appeared outside the kitchen window. Khun T was pointing in the direction of the snake, and the guard with the big whacking stick took off after it. Apparently snakes are the one critter that even Thai admit need to be killed. It seems that if you are unlucky enough to be reincarnated as snake, you better watch out!
So, after the offending reptile was located, he received a pummeling that ended his life in spectacular fashion. Satisfied with his kill, the guard bent down and picked up the snake showing his true size. When the guy was holding him he had one arm angled above his head the body of the snake reached the ground. After they carted off the body, my maid joined me in the house, informed me that he was in fact poisonous and it was good that we called, and then our day went on as if nothing unusual had happened. Such is my life in Thailand. Even when snakes appear on the tree, nothing, and I do mean nothing, is unusual about that!
Until next time!
Kristen
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
When the A's came to town...
Sorry about my absence recently, but I do have an excuse. Or at least I think I have a valid excuse. My brother-in-law and his lovely wife and children came to visit us recently! It was way too short of a trip, but it was fantastic none the less. We (me, the hubby, and the kids) finally got around to actually "seeing" the town we call home. Next week when the in-laws come Bangkok will have us (shout out to anyone who knows that movie reference and admits it!!).
So, let us get to it! The first thing we went to see was the Santuary of Truth, and boy was it awesome! I had heard some mixed reviews and we were told that it maybe wasnt all that great for kids, but we were determined to infuse as much culture into our guest as possible. Since we live in a toirist town, culture is rather hard to come by, but this place totally fit the bill. After we paid and walked the 1/2 mile to get to the temple we were all quite speechless. It was hidden from our view by a clump of trees and when it finally came into view we were stuned. I mean, this place just screamed culture and beauty
After we left the temple we went over to a monastery that my sister in law and I spotted. We had no idea what this place was or even if we could go there, but we saw it from the temple and wanted to check it out. While the building and grounds were beautiful, the sick begging canines that were there was just too much to handle. Plus, the actual monastery and temple that were on the grounds were not open that day. I do hope to return on a day that this place is open because I imagine that the inside is beautiful.
So, let us get to it! The first thing we went to see was the Santuary of Truth, and boy was it awesome! I had heard some mixed reviews and we were told that it maybe wasnt all that great for kids, but we were determined to infuse as much culture into our guest as possible. Since we live in a toirist town, culture is rather hard to come by, but this place totally fit the bill. After we paid and walked the 1/2 mile to get to the temple we were all quite speechless. It was hidden from our view by a clump of trees and when it finally came into view we were stuned. I mean, this place just screamed culture and beauty
The second place that we took them was a Mexican restaurant (yes, even in Thailand they have Mexican food). We were a little apprehensive about taking them since my sister in law is actually Mexican, but we went, and it was good. End of story!
The second full day that they were here we took them to a Chinese temple not far from our house. As I said earlier, culture is lacking here, but this place was on one of the guides that I had checked as a "must see". In the bottom part of the temple they had several members of the Terracotta Army on display that are on permanent loan to this temple. They also had more god statues then I could count. The actual temple was upstairs and we did not get to see that, but the downstairs were the museum was, was very neat.
After we left the temple we went over to a monastery that my sister in law and I spotted. We had no idea what this place was or even if we could go there, but we saw it from the temple and wanted to check it out. While the building and grounds were beautiful, the sick begging canines that were there was just too much to handle. Plus, the actual monastery and temple that were on the grounds were not open that day. I do hope to return on a day that this place is open because I imagine that the inside is beautiful.
Last on our tour that day was the golden Buddha on the mountain. I will not tell you what happened at this place as I have been forbidden to do so by my hubby, but lets just say that my sister in law and I were scolded like two year olds by my hubby for the hi jinks that occurred. Don't worry though, I fully intend on breaking my silence and show the pictures of our hi jinks one day ;-) After that incident though, I am certain that my hubby is thankful that when back home, that she and I live very far from one another because if we didn't, we would surely get into a lot of trouble. She is such a fun gal!
I think my favorite day of their stay here had to be Monday. On Monday we had a girls day out! A much needed girls day out complete with body scrub, hot stone massage, facial, foot rub on the balcony of a swanking hotel, and topped off with an entire bottle of sparkling wine! It was awesome and very relaxing. We talked, we ate, we drank, we relaxed, we went shopping, she taught me how to get cheaper prices on knock off goods, etc. It was fantastic! I think that was the longest either of us had stayed away from our respective babies (her baby being 5 months!). Should we ever find ourselves together in a tropical country with great spas again, we will be doing a repeat of that day!
So, with all of that being said, I really should run. Time to start homeschool lessons for day. Hope all is well. I shall be back very soon!
Kristen
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Fight or flight...
Fight or flight: the natural response that people have when faced with a crisis. They either A) fight, or B) fly away. I think for the most part people would like to think of themselves as fighters, as those who stand up to the challenge when faced with a crisis, and not fliers who, well, fly! I know that about two days ago I thought that I was a fighter but have since been sadly proven wrong. I may also fall into the "bad parent" category and I am surely not winning any "mother of the year" awards.
So, you may be asking yourself what prompted this post and may be sitting on your hands in anticipation of the story that I am about to tell. So, without further a-do:
Friday was my birthday (yep, turned the big 3-1!) and since our neighbors had so very nicely agreed to watch the babes on Saturday, my hubby decided to take me out to eat at a very nice vineyard. So, as I am getting ready and all fancied up, my two year old decided that he was famished and had to eat right away. The crying fit was quite awful. They (the kids, that is) were going to be eating pizza in about one hour, but I decided to make him a Nutella sandwich to hold him over, and you know, stop the crying. As we are standing in the kitchen he lets out this blood curling, ear piercing, make you think someone had died kind of scream and starts pointing at where he had just been standing. Since it seems that I have passed on my fear of all things creepy crawly I thought maybe he had seen a gecko. My fear of geckos is quite bad. So bad in fact that when I see something move out the corner of eye, I always jump. It could be a flower falling, or ash in the air for instance, and I jump sky high.
But back to my story :-). Now, please keep in mind that I am barefoot because I had not finished getting dressed yet and I usually don't wear shoes around my house. So, as I am frantically looking for the vanishing gecko my son runs around the corner still screaming and then I see it! Sauntering across my kitchen floor like he owned the place. At first I thought it was a mouse it was so big. Now me and mice??? We have a very ugly history so when I "think" I may be seeing one I tend to freak out in a very big way. Well, turns out what I was seeing was not in fact a mouse but a huge, big as my hand, make you pass out from sheer terror, COCKROACH! Umm yeah.... my fear of those things is probably rated higher then my fear of geckos and right below mice...
So.. now, my son is not the only one screaming because I too have joined in on it. And here is where my "bad parent of the year" award is given. Instead of comforting my two year old and whisking him to safety I take off running. And I don't mean that I was sort of skipping or anything. I'm talking full out Olympic style sprinting kind of running. I left my poor two year old alone, in the kitchen, screaming his poor head off. Once he realized that his screams were not the only ones going on and once he saw me take off without him, he starts frantically running after me, arms flapping, screaming "mommy, not without me! NOT WITHOUT MEEEE!!!". And what do I do??? Well, a good mother would have stopped and gotten him. Me??? I keep right on trucking! Apparently I am a flyer and apparently assume the motto "every man for himself" is correct. Who knew??? Certainly not me, because as I am typing this I still cannot believe that I left him and then chose to keep running without him even after I hear him screaming for me. No wonder that when we left for dinner he practically pushed me out the door. I can still see the look on his face when he caught up to me. It was a cross between disbelief and terror.
Anyway, the story does not end there. Once I had arrived at my destination, aka my husband, I start screaming at him about what had just transpired in the kitchen. It was at that point that I realized that my two year old was trailing behind me. Great parenting folks! As I was screaming at my husband it occurred to me that he had this very confused look on his face like he had no idea what was going on. Personally I thought that I was making my point very well and A) he was the dumbest man on the planet because he couldn't understand me (I mean, whats not to understand?? Me screaming and shouting "Kill it with a shoe" should have been clear), B) I wasn't making as much sense as I thought I was (okay, truthfully I could have been speaking gibberish, or Thai for that matter), or C) he again was the dumbest man on the planet because he decided that this was the perfect opportunity to make fun of me. Turns, it was a little bit of both B & C. Once I started making sense (to both of apparently) and once he seemed to have a little fun at my expense, he went to the shoe closet and grabbed my shoe. Of course it was my shoe! There weren't like fifty other shoes to choose from or anything!
And here is where C comes in. As he is standing in the kitchen looking for the roach that had apparently vanished, he says "come and show me where you saw it". So, stupidly I walk barefoot into the kitchen. That poor silly man, lol! He decided that this was prime time to shout "look out, its right behind you!" Umm, lesson learned on his part. You DO NOT, under any circumstance, do that to a very agitated, and very scared woman. As i am jumping and dancing around the kitchen trying to get away from the roach and onto something high it occurs to me that I have turned in a complete circle and that there was no roach behind me. It was at this point that I pummeled that man so hard that he was swearing up and down that he was going to be bruised in the morning. Sorry honey. I know that it is rather embarrassing to have to tell your coworkers that the bruise on your arm was caused by a girl! After he had shaken off his pummeling and after I decided to come back out of my room (yes, I did have to walk away after that to prevent causing further injury to my husband or from my kids learning a few new four letter words), I hear the beautiful sound of shoe smacking floor!
After all was said and done, we both agreed that it was by far the biggest roach either of us had ever seen. We also both agreed that I should never be allowed to take our kids down water slides (whole other story, lol) because of me being a flight risk and all. Oh, and mother of the year??? Totally out of the running. I would however win "loudest screamer of all time" with my two year old coming in second! Guess he just needs to learn to run a little faster now ;-)
Until next time!
Kristen
So, you may be asking yourself what prompted this post and may be sitting on your hands in anticipation of the story that I am about to tell. So, without further a-do:
Friday was my birthday (yep, turned the big 3-1!) and since our neighbors had so very nicely agreed to watch the babes on Saturday, my hubby decided to take me out to eat at a very nice vineyard. So, as I am getting ready and all fancied up, my two year old decided that he was famished and had to eat right away. The crying fit was quite awful. They (the kids, that is) were going to be eating pizza in about one hour, but I decided to make him a Nutella sandwich to hold him over, and you know, stop the crying. As we are standing in the kitchen he lets out this blood curling, ear piercing, make you think someone had died kind of scream and starts pointing at where he had just been standing. Since it seems that I have passed on my fear of all things creepy crawly I thought maybe he had seen a gecko. My fear of geckos is quite bad. So bad in fact that when I see something move out the corner of eye, I always jump. It could be a flower falling, or ash in the air for instance, and I jump sky high.
But back to my story :-). Now, please keep in mind that I am barefoot because I had not finished getting dressed yet and I usually don't wear shoes around my house. So, as I am frantically looking for the vanishing gecko my son runs around the corner still screaming and then I see it! Sauntering across my kitchen floor like he owned the place. At first I thought it was a mouse it was so big. Now me and mice??? We have a very ugly history so when I "think" I may be seeing one I tend to freak out in a very big way. Well, turns out what I was seeing was not in fact a mouse but a huge, big as my hand, make you pass out from sheer terror, COCKROACH! Umm yeah.... my fear of those things is probably rated higher then my fear of geckos and right below mice...
So.. now, my son is not the only one screaming because I too have joined in on it. And here is where my "bad parent of the year" award is given. Instead of comforting my two year old and whisking him to safety I take off running. And I don't mean that I was sort of skipping or anything. I'm talking full out Olympic style sprinting kind of running. I left my poor two year old alone, in the kitchen, screaming his poor head off. Once he realized that his screams were not the only ones going on and once he saw me take off without him, he starts frantically running after me, arms flapping, screaming "mommy, not without me! NOT WITHOUT MEEEE!!!". And what do I do??? Well, a good mother would have stopped and gotten him. Me??? I keep right on trucking! Apparently I am a flyer and apparently assume the motto "every man for himself" is correct. Who knew??? Certainly not me, because as I am typing this I still cannot believe that I left him and then chose to keep running without him even after I hear him screaming for me. No wonder that when we left for dinner he practically pushed me out the door. I can still see the look on his face when he caught up to me. It was a cross between disbelief and terror.
Anyway, the story does not end there. Once I had arrived at my destination, aka my husband, I start screaming at him about what had just transpired in the kitchen. It was at that point that I realized that my two year old was trailing behind me. Great parenting folks! As I was screaming at my husband it occurred to me that he had this very confused look on his face like he had no idea what was going on. Personally I thought that I was making my point very well and A) he was the dumbest man on the planet because he couldn't understand me (I mean, whats not to understand?? Me screaming and shouting "Kill it with a shoe" should have been clear), B) I wasn't making as much sense as I thought I was (okay, truthfully I could have been speaking gibberish, or Thai for that matter), or C) he again was the dumbest man on the planet because he decided that this was the perfect opportunity to make fun of me. Turns, it was a little bit of both B & C. Once I started making sense (to both of apparently) and once he seemed to have a little fun at my expense, he went to the shoe closet and grabbed my shoe. Of course it was my shoe! There weren't like fifty other shoes to choose from or anything!
And here is where C comes in. As he is standing in the kitchen looking for the roach that had apparently vanished, he says "come and show me where you saw it". So, stupidly I walk barefoot into the kitchen. That poor silly man, lol! He decided that this was prime time to shout "look out, its right behind you!" Umm, lesson learned on his part. You DO NOT, under any circumstance, do that to a very agitated, and very scared woman. As i am jumping and dancing around the kitchen trying to get away from the roach and onto something high it occurs to me that I have turned in a complete circle and that there was no roach behind me. It was at this point that I pummeled that man so hard that he was swearing up and down that he was going to be bruised in the morning. Sorry honey. I know that it is rather embarrassing to have to tell your coworkers that the bruise on your arm was caused by a girl! After he had shaken off his pummeling and after I decided to come back out of my room (yes, I did have to walk away after that to prevent causing further injury to my husband or from my kids learning a few new four letter words), I hear the beautiful sound of shoe smacking floor!
After all was said and done, we both agreed that it was by far the biggest roach either of us had ever seen. We also both agreed that I should never be allowed to take our kids down water slides (whole other story, lol) because of me being a flight risk and all. Oh, and mother of the year??? Totally out of the running. I would however win "loudest screamer of all time" with my two year old coming in second! Guess he just needs to learn to run a little faster now ;-)
Until next time!
Kristen
Thursday, January 10, 2013
A Gecko ate your baby...
Not really. A gecko did not in fact eat my baby, or any baby that I know of. One did however cross the line at climbing into my baby's bed and thus died an untimely death under my flip flop. Seriously, you would think that by now that when their aunt gecko and uncle gecko, cousins, brothers, sisters, whatever, didn't come back that they would learn to stay away from the crazy white lady and her whacking shoe. But no, they are not that smart and alas, I have been forced to kill a few over the last couple of days. I'm not proud, but I am insanely happy that I am getting rid of the little suckers, one gecko at a time!
So the back story. Yesterday we hired a new maid and in an effort to start her out on the right foot, I was walking around opening curtains and picking up some things that had been left on the floor. And yes. I am the crazy person who attempts to clean before the maid comes over. Anyway, I take off walking to my room when I see this... Thing, shoot out from under my bed. I scream of course prompting my oldest to yell from the living room asking what was wrong. He's a brave one, that one, lol! It was brown and rather large so my first thought was mouse. Now seriously, if you have ever seen a gecko you know that they look nothing like a mouse, but seeing as how I am terrified of both and mice more so, my brain coverts scary things into mice apparently. Anywho, after my life finished playing out before me (this was a heart attack inducing experience after all, thus near death and the whole life flashing thing), I realized that what I was seeing was not a mouse after all. So, brave one that I am, I stand there looking at it hoping that my mere stare will reduce it to ashes. Since that didn't work, I was left with the whacking shoe.
As I am about to turn on my heel to retrieve my shoe from the hall closet, as my bedroom closet was off limits due to the gecko standing between us, I decide to take one more look at it so that I don't lose him. And that my friends is when that little sucker made the decision that ultimately lead to me taking his little gecko life. He ran towards Baby K's blankets that were on the floor, over her teddy, and into her bed! Of course only the kids were home and since I have passed on my fear to them, they were totally useless. After about 15 minutes of getting my stomach and brain to cooperate with me I grabbed my shoe and took off for my room.
Turns that the little gecko was a runner. When he saw me coming (I swear he was waiting for me) he took off for my bed. Crazy lady that I am, I started screaming and he turned towards the crib again. I was so pissed by this point that I took the crib and slid it across the floor and started running after the gecko screaming and waving my shoe. Eventually the madness ended when I cornered him again the dresser and proceeded to whack the poo out of him. Needless to say but totally saying it anyway, that gecko is no longer with us...
So, with that being said, umm yeah, later that day I almost died again due to another gecko attack. I was putting away my crochet supplies when one came within inches of my face in the closet. It seems as though I may be doomed, or cursed, or something, for these random gecko attacks to keep occurring. Oh, and I should probably mention the third one who tried to kill me when I opened the sliding door in our living room. Those two are currently still at large and have a rather sizeable bounty on their tiny heads. Oh well. Such is life in sunny Thailand!
Kristen
So the back story. Yesterday we hired a new maid and in an effort to start her out on the right foot, I was walking around opening curtains and picking up some things that had been left on the floor. And yes. I am the crazy person who attempts to clean before the maid comes over. Anyway, I take off walking to my room when I see this... Thing, shoot out from under my bed. I scream of course prompting my oldest to yell from the living room asking what was wrong. He's a brave one, that one, lol! It was brown and rather large so my first thought was mouse. Now seriously, if you have ever seen a gecko you know that they look nothing like a mouse, but seeing as how I am terrified of both and mice more so, my brain coverts scary things into mice apparently. Anywho, after my life finished playing out before me (this was a heart attack inducing experience after all, thus near death and the whole life flashing thing), I realized that what I was seeing was not a mouse after all. So, brave one that I am, I stand there looking at it hoping that my mere stare will reduce it to ashes. Since that didn't work, I was left with the whacking shoe.
As I am about to turn on my heel to retrieve my shoe from the hall closet, as my bedroom closet was off limits due to the gecko standing between us, I decide to take one more look at it so that I don't lose him. And that my friends is when that little sucker made the decision that ultimately lead to me taking his little gecko life. He ran towards Baby K's blankets that were on the floor, over her teddy, and into her bed! Of course only the kids were home and since I have passed on my fear to them, they were totally useless. After about 15 minutes of getting my stomach and brain to cooperate with me I grabbed my shoe and took off for my room.
Turns that the little gecko was a runner. When he saw me coming (I swear he was waiting for me) he took off for my bed. Crazy lady that I am, I started screaming and he turned towards the crib again. I was so pissed by this point that I took the crib and slid it across the floor and started running after the gecko screaming and waving my shoe. Eventually the madness ended when I cornered him again the dresser and proceeded to whack the poo out of him. Needless to say but totally saying it anyway, that gecko is no longer with us...
So, with that being said, umm yeah, later that day I almost died again due to another gecko attack. I was putting away my crochet supplies when one came within inches of my face in the closet. It seems as though I may be doomed, or cursed, or something, for these random gecko attacks to keep occurring. Oh, and I should probably mention the third one who tried to kill me when I opened the sliding door in our living room. Those two are currently still at large and have a rather sizeable bounty on their tiny heads. Oh well. Such is life in sunny Thailand!
Kristen
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Stranded on a deserted mountain on New Years eve...
A few weeks ago I decided to take the kids out riding on the golf course behind our house. There is a spot that I have been itching to see that is about as far away from our house as you can get without leaving the compound. To get there from my front door it takes about 15 minutes but the drive is well worth the city/mountain/lake views that await you. I loved it so much up there that I started taking the kids there every afternoon just to take in the sites and let the kids roll around on the hills. It truly is a gorgeous place and to top it off, there isn't a soul around to bother you. And with that being said, here is my story of being stranded on top of a mountain with no one around.
The day started out like any typical day in our family. Nothing special going on. Just a nice, quite, relaxing day. Since we had been having those types of days for the better part of a week with the hubby being off from work, we were all going a bit stir crazy. So, around 4pm we loaded up the kids on the golf cart and took off to the swimming pool in our compound. The pool was a bit dirty from all the ash of the brush fire the day prior, and with there being no pool toys, it turned out to be a rather quick trip. After leaving the pool we decided that we needed more "out time"so we took off for the mountain for the kids to play.
As were are driving along i stated to smell this very foul odor. I had smelled it earlier on the way to the pool and thought it smelled like pesticides , but I wanst 100% sure. The higher we climbed the worse the smell got. Since there was no one around spraying I started looking for more fires thinking maybe that could have been it. We saw a few but they were off in the distances miles away, so that wanst it either. So??? What could it be???
Umm yes, we very soon found out what it could be! As we were getting to the place where we usually stop with the kids for them to play I turned to the hubby and said "hmm, I wonder if it could be the golf cart making that smell?" And would you know that no sooner did those words leave my mouth that the hubby turns to be while frantically pushing the gas and says "oh now you figure it out!". WORST. TIMING. EVER!!!
So, here we are. At the very least, two miles away from the house. Up a mountain. With three kids in what we presumed was a broken down golf cart. Not a soul around to help because it was New Years eve and people had stopped playing golf hours before. Oh, and lets not forget that it was close to dinner time and we were all wet from being at the pool!
Since the battery compartment was hot to the touch the hubby had us get off the golf cart while he tried to get his thoughts together on how we were getting back home. She-woman that I am decided to try and take control of the situation and was getting ready to put the babe in the basket and have our five year old drive down the mountain while the hubby and I pushed. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea, lol!
Before actually attempting to play out my idea the hubby had an even better one. You see, where the drive/park stick is located is right below where our big kid was resting his feet. The hubby had the genius idea to check to ensure that we hadn't accidentally been put in neutral before attempting my brilliant idea. Umm, yeah. It had!!! We weren't stranded after all. At least not yet!
It turns out that there is something wrong with our golf cart that does in fact involve the battery compartment and a rather stinky smell. Since the golf cart is just a rental and since we have no idea how to open the darn thing, we have to "call the guy" to come out and fix it. Note to self: call the guy! Anyway, we did make it home without further incident, smelling like burnt rubber. Stinky smell and almost being stranded aside, it was a rather nice drive and an interesting way to end the year, especially seeing as how I had been stranded at the start of our year in Thailand... TWICE! I see a very disturbing theme developing here, lol!
After safely arriving home and parking the golf cart WITHOUT plugging it in (that was pretty much the only good idea I brought to the table) we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by some TV time and bed. I was the only one up to see the new year roll in as my crew had long since passed out.
Well, since it is dinner time, I really must go. I hope you all have a fantastic new year!
Kristen
The day started out like any typical day in our family. Nothing special going on. Just a nice, quite, relaxing day. Since we had been having those types of days for the better part of a week with the hubby being off from work, we were all going a bit stir crazy. So, around 4pm we loaded up the kids on the golf cart and took off to the swimming pool in our compound. The pool was a bit dirty from all the ash of the brush fire the day prior, and with there being no pool toys, it turned out to be a rather quick trip. After leaving the pool we decided that we needed more "out time"so we took off for the mountain for the kids to play.
As were are driving along i stated to smell this very foul odor. I had smelled it earlier on the way to the pool and thought it smelled like pesticides , but I wanst 100% sure. The higher we climbed the worse the smell got. Since there was no one around spraying I started looking for more fires thinking maybe that could have been it. We saw a few but they were off in the distances miles away, so that wanst it either. So??? What could it be???
Umm yes, we very soon found out what it could be! As we were getting to the place where we usually stop with the kids for them to play I turned to the hubby and said "hmm, I wonder if it could be the golf cart making that smell?" And would you know that no sooner did those words leave my mouth that the hubby turns to be while frantically pushing the gas and says "oh now you figure it out!". WORST. TIMING. EVER!!!
So, here we are. At the very least, two miles away from the house. Up a mountain. With three kids in what we presumed was a broken down golf cart. Not a soul around to help because it was New Years eve and people had stopped playing golf hours before. Oh, and lets not forget that it was close to dinner time and we were all wet from being at the pool!
Since the battery compartment was hot to the touch the hubby had us get off the golf cart while he tried to get his thoughts together on how we were getting back home. She-woman that I am decided to try and take control of the situation and was getting ready to put the babe in the basket and have our five year old drive down the mountain while the hubby and I pushed. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea, lol!
Before actually attempting to play out my idea the hubby had an even better one. You see, where the drive/park stick is located is right below where our big kid was resting his feet. The hubby had the genius idea to check to ensure that we hadn't accidentally been put in neutral before attempting my brilliant idea. Umm, yeah. It had!!! We weren't stranded after all. At least not yet!
It turns out that there is something wrong with our golf cart that does in fact involve the battery compartment and a rather stinky smell. Since the golf cart is just a rental and since we have no idea how to open the darn thing, we have to "call the guy" to come out and fix it. Note to self: call the guy! Anyway, we did make it home without further incident, smelling like burnt rubber. Stinky smell and almost being stranded aside, it was a rather nice drive and an interesting way to end the year, especially seeing as how I had been stranded at the start of our year in Thailand... TWICE! I see a very disturbing theme developing here, lol!
After safely arriving home and parking the golf cart WITHOUT plugging it in (that was pretty much the only good idea I brought to the table) we had a nice relaxing dinner followed by some TV time and bed. I was the only one up to see the new year roll in as my crew had long since passed out.
Well, since it is dinner time, I really must go. I hope you all have a fantastic new year!
Kristen
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Thailand 2012 Year End Review
We have officially been in Thailand for a whole four months and I must say that I have a learned a thing or two since our arrival. Heck, I learned a lot before our arrival, lol! We have had some good times and some bad, but all in all, it was life with my family, so it was great! So, with that being said, here is my list of year 2012 most memorable moments:
10) When you are waiting for your husband to call with news about your move to Texas, holding your breath is not advisable. You think i would have learned this fact a few years when back when the whole "moving to Texas" thing started. But alas, I held my breath anyway and the call never came. Well, it did, but not with news about a Texas move. Although, I must admit that when my husband said Thailand I did in fact ask if that was in Texas. Umm, no. It isn't!
9) Moving to a foreign country is hard, especially when that country is a 3rd world country. Before our arrival everyone we talked to informed us that living here would be like a permanent vacation, or a staycation if you will. Well, they were seriously wrong as our time in Thailand has been anything but. Hopefully 2013 will be much nicer.
8) Tokay's, geckos, rats, bees, and ants, do not make for great pets or house guest! Enough said!!!
7) Flying with three kids half way around the world is not as bad as you would think. Well, maybe it is for people who have less chilled kids then ours, but ours did great! Could have also had something to do with the fact that we flew first class.....
6) I always knew that life was short and that family was important. I never felt those lessons more then on October 19 (state side). My outlook on life changed with one phone call.
5) Seeing your last baby turn one is both a sad and amazing feeling all at once! She is finally walking and even says a few words.
4) Watching your second child grown into a boy who can talk in full sentences when you previous thought you would need interventions is an amazing feeling. Heck, the boy even says a few words of Thai! He is an amazing little man with so much personality!
3) Seeing your oldest go off to "big kid school", especially in a foreign country, is a hard thing for a momma to process. There are still days when I question our decision. Every day I hold my breath until I have him home with me again.
2) Celebrating the 10 year anniversary with the most amazing man ever! We didn't do anything big and flashy, but we spent it together with our babies and it was great!
1) I guess the most memorable thing that I can think of for 2012 isn't so much a single memorable moment as it is a collection of moments. 2012 was harsh and kind all at the same time and it is a year that I will never forget for many reasons (see previous 9 for starters). We have been blessed in so many ways and I thank God every day that my family is together and healthy and happy.
So, with all of that being said, my new motto for the new year is "Worrying will never change the outcome". I really need to learn this lesson and stop stressing so much over things that I cannot change.
And to my family: I love you all dearly and life would not be same without every single one of you in it! Thank you for being you!
Happy New Year!
Kristen
10) When you are waiting for your husband to call with news about your move to Texas, holding your breath is not advisable. You think i would have learned this fact a few years when back when the whole "moving to Texas" thing started. But alas, I held my breath anyway and the call never came. Well, it did, but not with news about a Texas move. Although, I must admit that when my husband said Thailand I did in fact ask if that was in Texas. Umm, no. It isn't!
9) Moving to a foreign country is hard, especially when that country is a 3rd world country. Before our arrival everyone we talked to informed us that living here would be like a permanent vacation, or a staycation if you will. Well, they were seriously wrong as our time in Thailand has been anything but. Hopefully 2013 will be much nicer.
8) Tokay's, geckos, rats, bees, and ants, do not make for great pets or house guest! Enough said!!!
7) Flying with three kids half way around the world is not as bad as you would think. Well, maybe it is for people who have less chilled kids then ours, but ours did great! Could have also had something to do with the fact that we flew first class.....
6) I always knew that life was short and that family was important. I never felt those lessons more then on October 19 (state side). My outlook on life changed with one phone call.
5) Seeing your last baby turn one is both a sad and amazing feeling all at once! She is finally walking and even says a few words.
4) Watching your second child grown into a boy who can talk in full sentences when you previous thought you would need interventions is an amazing feeling. Heck, the boy even says a few words of Thai! He is an amazing little man with so much personality!
3) Seeing your oldest go off to "big kid school", especially in a foreign country, is a hard thing for a momma to process. There are still days when I question our decision. Every day I hold my breath until I have him home with me again.
2) Celebrating the 10 year anniversary with the most amazing man ever! We didn't do anything big and flashy, but we spent it together with our babies and it was great!
1) I guess the most memorable thing that I can think of for 2012 isn't so much a single memorable moment as it is a collection of moments. 2012 was harsh and kind all at the same time and it is a year that I will never forget for many reasons (see previous 9 for starters). We have been blessed in so many ways and I thank God every day that my family is together and healthy and happy.
So, with all of that being said, my new motto for the new year is "Worrying will never change the outcome". I really need to learn this lesson and stop stressing so much over things that I cannot change.
And to my family: I love you all dearly and life would not be same without every single one of you in it! Thank you for being you!
Happy New Year!
Kristen
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