Oh, boy. Just when I thought that maybe our luck had finally changed in the critter department I was sadly proven very wrong. I guess I should have realized that we weren't quite done with plagues as I do believe that there were 10 in the bible (I could be wrong, so don't quote me on that. In fact I am certain that I am wrong but too lazy to look it up.).
So the story. A few weeks ago I was standing in the kitchen with the maid when all of a sudden she gets very quite. Now, if you know anything about my maid (which you probably don't since I haven't told her story yet) you know that being quiet isn't her speciality. Doing showers isn't her speciality either, but I digress. So, as we are standing there, all quite and stuff, without looking away from the window she says in a rather hushed voice "madam, there snake". Umm, excuse me?? And in a hushed voice??? Where's the concern, people??? "Snake?", I say as calm as possible (all the while shrieking like a child on the inside). "Yes, there on tree", she says and points. And holy big snake, Batman!!! This things was huge. I don't mean like huge in my imagination, huge (as my hubby so often says I blow these critters up in my mind). I mean seriously huge as in at least 5.5 FEET long! Since I myself am not even 5.5 feet tall you can see why this was concerning to me. That thing could swallow me whole and not even be completely full.
And then it moved... down the tree, and was looking at us. The snake was looking at us and blowing in the wind like it was totally in its natural habitat and not in my protective bubble that I have deemed to be at least 20 feet around the perimeter of my house. As we are watching this snake slither down the tree I look over at Khun T and ask if it were the kind where you die if it were to bite. She didn't know. So, I asked if we should call the guard. She didn't know this either. Thankfully my friend G had text me the number to the guard house when we first moved in and I knew just where I had saved that text. Unfortunately, I also learned when rereading that text that I needed the basic knowledge of how to say Thai numbers so that I could tell the non-English speaking guards where to find me. At that very moment, quiting Thai lessons did NOT seem like as good of an idea as it did two months ago.
After calming myself after I realized that I had no idea how to say my house number (my five year old could have totally helped in this situation), I decided to the give the guards a shot anyway. After they answer I said, in a rather shrieking tone, "house number, village, SNAKE!". He responds "snake? Where?". Umm, didn't we cover that??? Apparently my house number said in Thai was vitally important. After a few more attempts, he handed the phone off to someone else who could understand me since the word "snake" seemed to be very alarming and needed to be dealt with.
I kid you not, less then two minutes after we hung up they were racing down my street and in front of my house. I didn't even have time to really register and process what was going as because before I knew what was happening I saw my maid fly out the house like she was running for Olympic gold and then she and the guards appeared outside the kitchen window. Khun T was pointing in the direction of the snake, and the guard with the big whacking stick took off after it. Apparently snakes are the one critter that even Thai admit need to be killed. It seems that if you are unlucky enough to be reincarnated as snake, you better watch out!
So, after the offending reptile was located, he received a pummeling that ended his life in spectacular fashion. Satisfied with his kill, the guard bent down and picked up the snake showing his true size. When the guy was holding him he had one arm angled above his head the body of the snake reached the ground. After they carted off the body, my maid joined me in the house, informed me that he was in fact poisonous and it was good that we called, and then our day went on as if nothing unusual had happened. Such is my life in Thailand. Even when snakes appear on the tree, nothing, and I do mean nothing, is unusual about that!
Until next time!
Kristen
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