The Squat Pot

Oh, the squat pot! Yes, it is as interesting as it sounds!! You see, when you move to Thailand there are a few things that people don't tell you about. They will tell you that it is like living the life of a vacationer year around. There are drivers, maids, nannies, huge houses that you would never be able to afford to live in state side, etc. That's the sales pitch, you see. Vacation?? Maid?? Driver??? Sign me up, please!!! What they don't tell you are all the gory details, which kind of remind of when I was pregnant and gave birth. It's magical, they say! Ha!! I'm beginning to think "They" do know of what they speak.

The first time I encountered the pot was at the Tokyo airport. I'm a last stall kind of girl. I like to do my business in private. Well, low and behold when I opened that last stall door there it stood, or better yet, sat, the squat pot. I quickly opened every door in the restroom to see where exactly I could do my business without appearing as though I was trying out to be the catcher on a pro baseball team. Thankfully, I found it and all was well. However, that was not the last time I would see the pot.

So, Thailand.. Umm, yeah. Well, I had been lucky up until recently to never encounter the squat pot in a situation where that, or the side of the road, were my only options.  You see, not only is it the squat pot that you have to worry about, but its the lack of toilet paper. You cant flush toilet paper here, or you are not supposed to, so typically they don't have it. When they do have it, they have a trash can next to the toilet where you are supposed to put your used paper. Lets just say that I have seen way more bodily functions then I really care to... When they don't have toilet paper, what they do have however, is disgusting. Even more disgusting then the poopy paper, bucket. They have a bucket of water with a ladle sitting next to the squat pot. Care to guess how you use that??? Well, folks, its not glamorous or pretty, that's for sure! And yes, it is communal, and no they do not change it after every person... Now, I'm not sure about you, but I have in the past brought my own TP when I knew the occasion would call for it. I have not however, brought my own bucket and ladle.

A few months back my oldest got a case of upset stomach. Now, just imagine how much a squat pot with communal bucket sucks during normal times, and multiple that times 100% with a stomach ache. It sucks even more when your husband frantically calls you from the WOMEN's restroom!!! (only urinals in the men's) to tell you that he needs baby wipes and sanitizer, ASAP!!  After grabbing the supplies I head to the restroom to find it covered in about three inches of restroom water and my six year old SITTING on a squat pot!! Yes, he was sitting!!! I look at my husband, look at my son, then back to my husband and say the first thing that comes to mind "What the hell dude!" Apparently trying to hold a 40 pound, lanky, six year old boy over a squat pot while trying to juggle his underwear necessitated sitting on the squat pot. Lets just say that 64 wipes of a brand new pack of antibacterial wipes, a bottle of Purell, and 5 times of being soaped up in the shower, was the ONLY thing that gave me peace about that situation. I may have also asked my husband if we should take him to the DR. to get him a shot. A shot of what, I have no idea, but I was convinced that he needed to be seen!

The next time that I encountered the squat pot was very recently on our way to Koh Chang. We had stopped at a gas station because I really needed to go and because our driver needed to make a phone call. All was well with that restroom. The next stop, umm no! I guess because we had ventured off the beaten path a little, Ex-Pats were no longer a consideration when they put in toilets. So, I decided to wait until we got to the ferry. Surly they would have a Western toilet there. Right??? Wrong!!! Big fat wrong!! What amazed me though was this Asian girl who walked out as I was walking in. I didn't notice her attire when I walked in as I had other things on my mind, but her attire caught my attention in a big way when I walked out and realized that she must have used the squat pot. She was wearing a romper (not really sure how she managed that one) and five inch platform heals!!. Now, please tell me how in the world the girl managed to go like that??? If she did, I, in my flip flop and shorts could have done it! Right??? Right??? Wrong, again!! I just couldn't get over my mental block of peeing in that hole. I could not put my feet on a spot where pee and poop splatter was residing. I just couldn't do it...

Apparently the reverse is true for Asian women in that they cannot put their butts in a spot where pee and poop splatter are likely residing, because from what I hear, they do not like Western toilets (hover ladies, just hover). Apparently they do not, for the most part, even know how to use them. I am making that assumption purely based on the fact that in the mall restrooms they actually have signs with a woman standing on a Western toilet with a slash through it. The next picture is of a woman sitting on the toilet looking happy and no slash. Weirdest signs E-V-E-R!!!

Anyway, I have to make dinner now, so I guess I had better get going. So, if you are ever in Thailand, just remember, skip the TP and bring the ladle!! (and maybe your own bucket ;-))

See ya,
Kristen