Boy, oh boy! Just when I thought that things could not go more wrong. When I thought that FINALLY things were turning around and that I was about to fall madly in love with living here, I burn my stupid finger on the Princess coffee maker and I discover that Remy from Ratatouille is living in my darn kitchen ( trust me, darn was not the four letter word originally used when I made this fantastic discovery!)!
First things first. The Princess coffee maker. Apparently all of the products here are named to appeal to women ( or men, lol), and Princess just so happens to be the product name of our new coffee maker. And trust me, that darn coffee maker acts like a true princess! If you don't treat her with the utmost of respect she will either A) spew coffee all over your kitchen, or B) burn your finger. As previously mentioned, my finger was burned this morning because apparently Princess decided to take her time making my morning Joe and when I removed the pot her steam got me. And yes, she steams. Don't ask!
Now as for Remy, well... I'm not really sure where to start as he was just discovered today. Now keep in mind that we haven't actually seen him. We have, or better yet, I have, seen the mess this dude makes. So, picture it. Rainy wet morning. I get the kids up, make them breakfast, fix the big kid his lunch, and out we go. I had thrown something in the trash before we left and the trash bag was completely normal looking, of this I'm 100% sure. So.. we get back from school drop off and we set about our day. Today was maid day so I was waiting around for her and eating breakfast. After she arrived she went about her day and I did my thing. One of my things brought me back to the trash can where I immediate noticed that something was amiss and that someone, or someTHING, had shredded the sides in an attempt to gain access to its contents. I originally thought that maybe the maid had tried pulling the bag out and had trouble. The more I thought about it, the less that thought made sense. It's a rather small can and we didn't have much inside. Plus, she would have told me. Then, I thought maybe the hubby had done it the night before, but really, as I said earlier, the trash can looked completely normal earlier and a shredded trash bag was not something that my hubby would do.
So here I am, solely focused on this trash can and it's mysteriously destroyed trash bag when it dawns on me. I bet a damn gecko got to it. But no, no that couldn't be right. How would a gecko do that much damage? Plus, how would it get in there? And then it hits. And boy did it hit! It had to be something massive to do what it did. So, I frantically call the hubby and tell him about it and take pictures so that people don't think I've totally lost it, and as I am talking to him I blurt out "it had to be something huge to get that high up on the trash can. I DO NOT want to see that!". After I got off the phone with the hubby I went searching for my maid. I asked her to come into the kitchen to confirm my suspicions and before I can even ask what left the dropping by the trash can she screeches out "oh, madam, that rat poo poo!". I totally lost it and to be honest, I'm not really all that proud of the screeching, yelling, and hopping around I did. And this woman. This very brave woman, went searching through my kitchen to see if she could find the offender. When she didn't, I politely asked her not to open any more cabinets because I may die if the rat ran out. This seemed to concern her greatly because she clutched her chest and said "oh, you die?". Apparently dramatics do not translate well!
After several calls back and forth with my hubby, it was determined this this was the sort of emergency that one calls the landlord for right away. This was not a " my light bulb died can you come fix it" situation. This was a " my water pipe broke, my house is flooding, and I may drown" sort of emergency. Thankfully, between my hubby and my maid, the maintenance man was summoned.
Now for the part about charades. My poor maintenance man came right over with a trap. A freakin glue trap. A glue trap for a 20 pound rat??? Are you kidding me??? So, I tell him no. This will not work. Since he didn't understand, I pulled about what I thought were my seriously mad charade skills. They've gotten the job done so far and I thought I was pretty darn good. Ha!!!So, I tell him no ( shake head) you ( pointing at him) make rat ( holds up hands like rat paws and make squeaking sounds) dead( mimics a noose) with snap trap (snaps hands together) . Seems really clear right? WRONG! These movements apparently directly translate to " please bring me a cage so that I don't have to clean glue off my new BFF's feet when we catch him and make him ours, and pet him, and love him forever.", Because yes people, they brought me a cage. And not just one cage. Oh no. They brought me two! So now I have two cages waiting for Remy to arrive and they used my fresh bread as the bait. Nice right???
There are now three people with direct knowledge of my fear of all things that scurry around and squeak; my hubby, my friend A, and now Khun P. My hubby knows because he was called out of a meeting back home to care for me during Mouse Gate 2010. My friend A knows because I told her about the incident with my hubby. And well Khun P, she knows because of today. My hubby and A both had simple solutions like call the exterminator and neither placed the blame on me. A even told me of her mouse catching skills. Khun P however informed me that Remy was a direct reflection of my catlessness. Yes, that is a word! Anyway, her solution to my catlessness is to bring me one of her kittens. Yep, that's just what I need. Something small and furry and that meows instead of squeaks. Great! So, needless to say, after she determined that my kids don't have allergies, and that there was no good and plausible reason for my catlessness, she has decided to make me a cat person. Hopefully she doesn't actually show up with one on Wednesday, but we shall see. Although, you know, I do have two cages and to my knowledge only one Remy, so I really should have something to fill it. Just watch though, we'll probably catch Remy and his brother Emile.
In any event, my kids are currently battling it out in the living room so I must go. Until next time, I hope all is well.
Kristen
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